Colorblind Dreams
by Nemi-Dina
Summary: "Hello, Lydia." He nods politely at her. "I knew you'd come back eventually." Of course, who else other than Stiles Stilinski would come running at the news of her returning home? And though an old and bitter part of her still finds him too fidgety and child-like for comfort, another weaker part of her finds him absolutely remarkable. Stiles/Lydia, post-college.
1. Chapter 1

_- This is a sad story that recently just popped into my head. It's not complete yet but I thought I'd give it a try and post the prologue anyway._

_Stiles and Lydia are canon, this story is based on them and more specifically Lydia dealing with her past, more than five years after she left Beacon Hills. I hope you enjoy this short beginning._

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><p><strong>I - Homecoming<strong>

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><p>Her heart almost comes to a sudden halt at the sight of her old home. She can't believe that she's already reached her destination, she can't believe she's moving back home either but with the current economy and the field she's chosen to build her career, she should have known better.<p>

Still, she can't help the nagging feeling gnawing away at the pit of her stomach, the sad actual truth behind her comeback, the one reason which drove her back to the dreaded little hometown she'd grown to hate.

She shakes her head as she wills herself to step ahead and toward the two-stories house in which she spent most of her life if not her entire life up until college. And as she walks up to the porch, dragging her luggage along and gulping in her pessimism, she forces a smile in anticipation of her mother's appearance from behind the front door.

Making her arrival known requires much more energy than she'd planned and both her hands shake uncontrollably when she rings the doorbell, so in a desperate attempt to compose herself she holds on to her luggage tighter, concealing her anxiety and hiding her pale and bruised hand in the pocket of her jeans jacket.

The door yields open sooner than she'd expected, too soon even and she startles at the sight of her sick and tired mother. Lydia's heart skips a beat as she scrutinizes the woman's face, one which is barely recognizable due to the unnatural and sudden coming of old age, triggered by her sickness.

"Come in." Natalie Martin says simply and scoots to the side so that Lydia can enter the house.

The strawberry blond does her best to ignore the millions of wrinkles making her mother look terribly ghastly under the afternoon sun, or the very dark circles acting as reminders of her body's decaying condition and giving her the appearance of an evil and deadly witch.

The front door slams shut behind her with a loud thumping noise and Lydia jumps up, turning around to face her mother who sends her a quizzical look. For a moment, the young Martin has to stop and breathe deeply to blink back the tears which tickle her blood-shot eyes.

"Do you mind if – if I hug you?" She asks hesitantly and feels incredibly stupid for asking such a petty question.

Natalie stares at her for a long while, the skin sagging cruelly around her cheekbones and down on either side of her face, making it hard for anyone to see the semblance of a smile twitching her chapped lips.

Lydia doesn't wait for a response and simply leans closer, wrapping her arms gently around the woman's frail shoulders and letting her chin rest shyly on her bare collarbone.

"You are two days late." The sick Natalie complains and her voice is as unfamiliar as her face first appeared to be.

Lydia forces her lips into a polite smile when her mother's arms remain stiff by her sides, she tries to ignore the grim impression shaking her every limb and closes her eyes, forgetting that it's as if her mother never even wanted her to come back.

"Like I said on the phone, mom. I had to fix all the paperwork with the apartment in downtown San Francisco. I couldn't possibly come any sooner."

Natalie Martin barely nods at her daughter, disappointed and angered by her broken promises. Lydia notices the resentment obvious in the woman's look and can only grimace as she walks past her quietly. With a barely audible whimper, she struggles to climb up the stairs leading to the second floor and to her old bedroom, sinking her teeth deep in her lower lip so hard that she feels a tickle of blood starting to form.

…...

She's crying now and unless she gives in and screams at the top of her lungs, she will have to keep crying for another few hours. She can't really remember when exactly she started to change, when she actually managed to keep quite despite the madness driving her over the edge and making her out to be a useless and defenseless _wailing woman_.

All she knows is, she's in better control now. She doesn't scream anymore – she hasn't heard her own wailing voice in years though she thinks she will soon implode and – who knows? Perhaps she'll have a heart attack and die? Maybe, just maybe, she will go through a terrible breakdown and eventually lose her mind completely? And there are so many more scenarios in her head but she is content with the self-control she has _now_. So even though the pain is unbearable, and it feels like she's dying with her mother, she will keep silent, her tears the only visible sign of her misery.

The subtle knock that causes her to look up and toward the doorframe first sounds like a deafening thud to her vigilant ears and as soon as her eyes land on the slender young man standing less than a feet away from her, all her senses shift into overdrive.

"Hello, Lydia." He nods politely at her and crouches down to her level. "I knew you'd come back eventually."

Of course, who else other than Stiles Stilinski would come running at the news of her returning home? And though an old and bitter part of her still finds him too fidgety and child-like for comfort, another weaker part of her finds him absolutely remarkable. And so in loving memory of their old friendship, she pulls herself up, grabbing his hands in hers. And then, without a single word, she hugs him as if her life depends on it, hugs him for a very long time, her sobbing coming magically to a stop in his warm presence.

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><p><em>Let me know if you want me to keep going. I'm not too sure about this story so I might delete it if there isn't any feedback.<em>

_Take care :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_Update: Jan, 6th, 2015_

_Word Count: 2370_

_Enjoy :)_

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><p><strong> II - Gone<strong>

"Actually..." Stiles says in that familiar voice, "I might have thought you'd never come back but I was too stubborn to admit it... even to myself."

Lydia fails to hold in a giggle when she looks up at him. She nudges him playfully and steps back but she doesn't let go of his arm and rubs it softly instead.

"It's great that you're here." She says simply and tilts her head to the side.

For a moment it's as if they are back in high school and he is trying to speak to her for the very first time even though she's pretending to be too good for him. Lydia knows that, she can feel him melt under her gaze, his sad and shy smile betraying his true feelings. And even if she would never confess it to anyone, she loves the effect she has on him and finds herself indulging in it.

"You know, that way you can show me around." She explains when he doesn't respond. "You can help me catch up on all of the things I might have missed." She adds with a nod and Stiles exhales calmly, his smile fading and his eyes looking away and toward the open window of her old bedroom.

She feels her eyebrows creasing and wonders at the sudden change in Stiles' eyes but when she proceeds to gauge his expression he quickly turns away, hiding his face from her. He's looking at the window again and she guesses that his mind is wandering elsewhere.

"Stiles?" She calls hesitantly.

"There is so much that you don't know." He says feebly and leans over the window sill.

"Like what?" She asks in a whisper, fearing his answer.

"Lydia," He starts with a sigh and turns around to face her.

She looks at him expectantly, hoping that the panic she sees written in his face is a mere illusion.

"Lydia," He says again, as if to ready himself for one of her banshee-episodes, his palms already on his neck and close to his ears.

"What, now? What terrible thing happened, Stiles?" She speaks in a confident voice and discards his strange composure with a flick of her wrist.

She huffs for a second because Stiles is taking way too long to answer and despite the debacles they'd had to go through in the past, she is convinced that it's all over now. In fact, it has been for a very long time and she is sure that nothing could be worse than her mother having Cancer and struggling on the verge of death.

Stiles shakes his head, slowly so before letting out a dry chuckle. Lydia feels a shiver run down her spine. If she hadn't known Stiles better, she would have sworn that he had just acted out of character, too serious to be the actual Stiles and too dull to be the Nogitsune.

But all of that is gone, isn't it? The craziness of Beacon Hills has eventually died away with the pack falling apart at the end of her senior year. They had all gone different ways, flying to different parts of the country to pursue their studies. And then those who stayed – or rather Stiles had been the only one who stayed...

Lydia can still remember him fidgeting in her room some afternoon in the spring of their last year, they had spent their summer together, most of the time chilling around at her place and by the end of June, they had both celebrated their acceptance at the schools they had chosen. Stiles had applied for the local state university, wishing to study criminology and become a private detective while she had chosen law studies and had had to fly to the other side of the country.

They had been separated by life's circumstances but had promised each other to always keep in touch. And they had. Whether it was a simple and short email or text message, they had always found time to somewhat communicate in spite of the vast distances.

And now that she finally gets to spend time with him again, she thinks that she can feel even closer to Stiles than she was before.

"They're dead." He says eventually.

Lydia is shaken out of her thoughts and her coming back to the present feels like a hard cold slap.

"Who's dead?" She asks and she is quite sure that her heart is racing when Stiles steps closer.

"All of them Lydia." Stiles says in a dull and impassive voice. "The whole pack is dead."

Lydia chokes on her own saliva and it seems that the air is growing thicker as the room starts to spin. She shakes her head furiously, refusing to hear his words. She doesn't want it to start again. She has to lock the madness away and she can't do that if Stiles is saying the truth.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were better off not knowing about any of it. About the attack or Malia's pregnancy for that matter." He says worriedly when she stumbles off and away from him.

"You lied to me! All these years..." She says in a strangled whisper. "All these times we spoke on the phone." She adds with a sob. "You lied and..."

She keeps shaking her head, she has to if she wants to preserve her sanity. But she doesn't last long, something about Stile's look is too disconcerting and when she tries to stand straighter so she can hold her head high and deny the truth, it all feels very wrong.

"Hold on a second!" She chokes out when her eyes meet stiles' again. "Wait a minute – Oh God! – Did you just say Malia's pregnancy?"

She realizes that what she thought she had buried and written off of her life is coming back now. She feels her self-control seeping away just as Stiles lets go of his facade and crumbles down to the floor with her, holding her face and whispering intelligible things.

"Malia and I had a baby – I don't know – I – it was surreal at the time.." Stiles is out of breath though he hasn't moved an inch. "It was – it was all so complicated. I could never tell you about her..."

"I – I don't..." Lydia stammers when Stiles holds her face, looking her in the eye.

"I'm so sorry, Lydia." He whispers quietly, his eyes mirroring his anguish.

"No – no, no, no..." Lydia speaks frenetically now, her stuttering disappearing as soon as she starts raising her voice. "I don't believe you. You're lying! You are a liar!"

But despite her words and her desperate will to shut it all out, she can't stop her past and true nature from breaking through.

Inhaling deeply and then opening her mouth wide, she screams at the top of her lungs.

…...

She looks intently ahead at the little girl playing in the sand pit, her mind confused with questions and misunderstandings.

"I can't believe that you are a father, Stiles." She says simply and tilts her head to the side.

They are sitting on the sole bench by the children's playground at the school, waiting for the bell to ring so they can walk little Allison home.

"She knows all about you, Lydia, even though she hasn't met you yet." Stiles says good-naturedly and attempts an awkward nudge as he smiles at his old friend.

Old images of Scott and the pack cross Lydia's mind and she has to bit her lip to repress a slight shriek. For some strange reason, mentioning the pack hurts her more than the fact that all these years, no one has had the courtesy of telling her about the Malia's situation, not even her mother.

"I showed her all the pictures I have of us – I mean the pack, you know?" Stiles says hesitantly and Lydia nods politely for him to continue. "Yeah... I didn't want to forget about it all, I didn't want her to not know about that part of our lives."

"So she believed you?" Lydia asks in a whisper, and cranes her neck to look at Stiles.

"Of course she did." Stiles chuckles at her grimace. "She's just a kid but she's _my_ kid. She loves that stuff about the supernatural."

"How old is she again?" Lydia asks with a sad smile when the bell finally rings and the children all rush to the gates.

"She's going to turn five this month." Stiles says fondly as he stands up, getting ready to meet his daughter.

…...

Allison Stilinski stares up at Lydia for a very long time, her eyes growing wider and her lips forming a little smile. Stiles knows that smile and can't help but chuckle at his little munchkin.

"See. I told you she was pretty, huh?" He says simply and Allison giggles and bounces with excitement.

"She has strawberry hair, she has strawberry hair!" She hollers happily and startles Lydia when she wraps her little arms around her waist, hugging her tightly.

Lydia lets out a breath she forgot she was holding and looks down at the little girl, her lips forming one of those rare smiles, the kind she saves for special occasions, and Stiles notices right away.

"I knew you two would love each other." He says happily and starts tugging on Allison's hand, pulling her forward and nodding for Lydia to start the long trek back to the house.

…...

"I know it's a little weird sometimes... The fact that I still live with my dad, I mean with Allison and then my job at the agency forty miles away from here, it's not very practical but," Stiles says nervously as soon as they pass the threshold, "but the truth is we all need each other and with all that's happened, we figured it's better for us to just stay all in the same house."

Lydia looks up and around as Allison drags her hurriedly toward the hallway that leads to Stiles' old bedroom, bouncing with each step she takes and giggling excitedly.

"Now, honey, you're gonna have to wait just a little longer for aunty Lydia to come see your room because I'm going to borrow her for a little talk, alright?"

Allison stops dead in her tracks, her lower lip trembling slightly as she stares up at her father but with a shake of her head she takes a deep breath and huffs proudly before turning on her heels and running in the opposite direction.

"I will be in grandpa's bedroom!" She states angrily and disappears up the stairs.

Lydia barely finds enough strength in her to smile at the child's behavior and as soon as Stiles turns her way, she almost cracks again, her voice breaking as she speaks.

"Why didn't you tell me Stiles? All these years, you shut me off completely, that was unfair." She inhales deeply, hoping to breath evenly but the more she tries and the less it works.

"What was there to tell?" Stiles says with the ghost of a smile barely stretching his lips. "I screwed up... bit time and..."

"And what Stiles?!" Lydia cries out as she grabs his arm, failing to contain her fury. "You thought what, huh? You thought I would just forget about Beacon Hills and never come back and you'd never have to see me again?! What the hell were you thinking?! This is stupid, Stiles! This is the stupidest thing you've ever done!"

"You think you can give me lessons on what to tell?" Stiles can feel his heart racing as his hands compress into fists. "You think I never actually felt like telling you? Hell, I was dying to tell you everything but every-time I tried, you mentioned something about how life was great for you at Uni and I would start to feel like shit every-time and so I'd hold it in not to cause you heartbreak!"

"Who are you to decide if I can or can't be heartbroken?!" Lydia is screaming now and before she even realizes it, her hands go to her head, her fingers grabbing at her hair and she is convinced that if she doesn't calm down she will most probably end up wailing again but she simply no longer cares.

"I'm your best friend, of course I have a say in deciding wether to tell you or not! I'm the guy who'd come running whenever something was up, whenever you felt down and if you'd been a tiny bit less stubborn you would have realized that I've always been devoted to you and the rest of the pack. I was your life-saver and your life-preserver all at once but you never saw it..."

He has never meant to lose it and tell her all the things he has been bottling up all those years. He doesn't want her to see him speak so vulnerably and act so angrily but he does not have the strength to help himself.

"How dare you?!" Lydia gasps as she looks up at his bloodshot eyes. "You know what? We can resume this another time. I think I should leave."

"Lydia wait." Stiles calls out when she runs away from him but she simply ignores him and grabs the doorknob in a hurry, yanking the front door open.

"Lydia, Godamnit, stop!" He cries out when she steps out of the house.

She feels tears in her eyes the second she lets go of the door and looks away at the end of the street, hoping to be able to hold in her tears even if only a little bit longer. And even though she can't wait to leave the house, she stands still for a few seconds. Breathing heavily, she leans against the outside wall just as Stiles' warm hands land on her shoulders.

"I never meant to hurt you. I was just too depressed and I was scared of dragging you down with me in this... this hellhole quite frankly." He sounds tired and shaky and she feels her heart skip a bit when he takes a deep breath to say something more.

"The baby with Malia... _it just happened_ – it was unplanned and we learned that she was pregnant in just the wrong time. And – and then two days after she gave birth..."

Lydia can hear Stile's struggle, she can feel his fingers shake frenetically as he tries to brush her collarbone. She tries to breath evenly but ends up whimpering instead. Stiles is much closer now, so much so that she can feel his warm breath as his lips graze her ear. She doesn't want to believe it but she can't ignore the emotion seeping through his voice and she can't ignore the weak and strangled whisper.

"Two days after Allison's birth, the pack died and Malia up and left me, _she left us, Allison and I..."_

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><p><em>Thank you Katherine<em> **_March and thank you Michelle for reviewing! _**_I'm posting this second chapter mainly because of you._

_I also need to thank **You-make-me-wander & Crypticevincar** for following the story. Thank you guys._

_**Hopefully, I'll have enough time in the next few days to write more and post the third chapter. In the mean time, please just bare with me.**_

_**Of course, as usual, criticism and reviews of all sorts are very welcome. I'd love to know what you thought of this.**_


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